Sunday Morning Intel: May 22nd, 2016

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Due to the gap in the off-season events, the fact that I’m moving to a different part of the northern Canadian wasteland, and the adjacent fact that I will be traveling to a couple of different continents over the next couple months while I’m homeless, this column is going weekly until training camp opens. That’s when the kool-aid addiction we all share grips me full force, like the silver and blue backed gorilla that it is, and I just can’t stop myself from spewing my particular brand of – I struggle to justify the word – wisdom, at you on a daily basis again. Without further ado; this week’s Sunday morning intel for your consumption.

“Words can’t describe the feeling of happiness I had, just, growing up a Lions fan my whole life, and then, especially just having the opportunity to play here, play in the NFL and get drafted was a huge emotional happiness and joy for my whole family and me.” Anthony Zettel is living our dream right now. The dancing, jump kicking, MMA enthusiast got drafted by his home town team. Everything this guy says and does impresses me. Rumble young man, rumble.

Every time someone asks me why I’m a Lions fan, I want to show them this video. And then show them this video. 1991 was an incredible season for Lions fans, and with any luck we’ll be seeing it’s like again soon. If I had been granted access to regular NFL games even a single year later, chances are I’d be a Cowboys fan, and even more obnoxious than I am now just by virtue of a slight change in blue hue. The world would have been robbed of morning intel.

“I’ve never heard anything bad about him.” said Joe Dahl of Mike Utley, the Lions’ immortal (though if not for the best reasons) offensive linemen. “They actually named an award for him back at school so he’s obviously a legend back there.” Joe Dahl is an interesting prospect, in that he likely has literally no idea what he’s doing in a professional offense but has all the physical tools to be great. Hopefully he can pick it up quickly, because what he does know how to do, which is pass block, he really knows how to do and he could easily carve himself a spot in the Lions roster for a very long time.

“I feel that I bring versatility, I can play anything the coaches need me to play.” Antwione Williams has a good read on what he needs to do to have an impact as a rookie. “It’s just like anything, you’re not going to just pick it up if you don’t actively try and learn it. And I know I spend 2-3 hours every night just studying my assignments.” Listening to this interview, I can see why the Lions would have been impressed by this kid before the draft, and I definitely like what I’m hearing from him. Well, that and the thunderous hitting, have you seen? This is not going to be a fun team to play against when these guys get their game to the NFL level. Morning intel is just going to be a Packers injury report.

“The reputation of me being a hitter isn’t just unique to me in this defense, and that’s something I love about this defense” said Miles Killebrew. Was that a chorus of angels I just heard? Seriously what is this beautiful music I’m hearing? Does anyone else smell burnt toast? “It’s rare that you get just one, just perfectly lined up, well timed out hit, but when it comes it’s a blessing. But every other tackle has to be a form tackle.” Did I black out for a moment? Who are these players and where did the Lions find them? Was there some sort of opportunity to experience an influx of talent and enthusiasm that the Lions hadn’t been taking advantage of for the last FIFTEEN GOD DAMN YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?

Mr. Wood said some things about cheerleaders. I’m not even going to link it; if you care you can google it. I don’t, and really don’t get why anyone else would. You’ve got internet access, you can find cheerleaders doing more interesting things than dancing at a football game if you really want to and with the upgraded WiFi this year at Ford Field, you’ll be able to find them at more effectively than ever before! At least those cheerleaders got paid more than minimum wage for their work. I’m not linking that either. Morning intel is just too classy for that. I put the over under on arrests vaguely related to this post at three and a half this season.


And that’s this week in Lions news. There was a lot more than this written, but frankly I am even more tired of linking garbage articles than I am of reading them and this time of year it’s really, really, really hard for the poor beat reporters to churn out something good every day. I’d infinitely rather just link you the videos of the player interviews than what someone else has to say about the player interview. Remember to stay tuned for news on the fantasy leagues, more interesting articles than any professional would ever consider putting out there and most importantly, my periodical nuggets of moist, steaming, chunky wisdom. That’s this week in morning intel folks, when there is more worth showing you, I will show you more. And by that I mean next Sunday, just to clarify, these are coming out on Sundays.


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About the Author

Ash Thompson
Ash Thompson is a fanatical football fan, and less fanatical hockey fan despite his Canadian heritage. He is sorry aboot that. His spirit animal is a beaver with a shark's head. He enjoys maple syrup and tacos, but never at the same time.